A quick and easy guide to sex and disability

When I was reading the various comments made by people who responded to my survey, a few people were clear that they were having less sex than they used to. One person indicated that they miss sex quite a lot, and another reported having hardly any since their diagnosis. A comment was made by one that their partner no longer desires them. This got me thinking a bit more, and I'm minded to ask more questions about sex and relationships in a future survey.

I also note that the topic of sex and disability doesn't feature much in the media, and so I bought a copy of the book:  A Quick and Easy Guide to Sex and Disability, by A Andrews. I wanted to understand more, and in the usual way, share this understanding with you readers!

The book is a cartoon book, and in the first few pages you find out that the author is a paraplegic cartoonist, that has sex! They write the book with the aim of ditching the question "how can disabled bodies have sex" and replace it with "how can disabled folk have more enjoyable sex". They note that society does not really discuss sex and disability, and present three myths: 'disabled people aren't attractive', 'disabled people don't care about things like sex', and 'disabled people cant perform sex.' - identifying that the things people say can impact on wellbeing.

They start by covering communication - firstly communicating with yourself, and then goes on to give ideas about how you may want to try communicating, noting that this can be hard to do. The remainder of the book goes into some of the more practical points which can occur when having sex with a disability. The conclusion is that sex is whatever you want it to be, and the possibilities are endless.

I like the information presented here, and it is presented in a very friendly, matter-of-fact way, allowing you to see many perspectives and help you form your own view. The cartoons in the book present a wide range of disabilities, and also a wide range of people - capturing the diversity of the human race in a very nice way!

Sticky McStickStick

I have got a few new books recently with a view to improve my knowledge of various aspects. One of these was Sticky McStickStick by Micheal Rosen.

Michael was admitted to hospital with coronavirus, and had to learn to walk again. I got this book to see if it might be a useful way to help younger children learn about using mobility aids, which are a frequent companion for many with HSP.

Michaels journey is in the opposite direction to those with HSP. My key takeaway points are that at the beginning of his recovery they tried various different mobility aids, and he found the wheelchair to be quite enjoyable.  Michael journeys through using wheelchairs, walking frames and finally to a walking stick in his recovery, and the transition helps him, and I like the overall point about changing to a more suitable aid as the situation changes. 

The story also describes the different work that physiotherapists do to help people, and shows the range of exercises that they can suggest to help. Micheal names his walking stick Sticky McStickStick, which he describes as developing an attachment to. One aspect is that Michael spends a while using the stick, and there are various considerations made to make sure that he is safe and able to go about his life safely whilst using the stick. At the end of the story Sticky McStickStick isnt used any more, and sits about his house as a reminder how it helped him at the time. This is an interesting parallel for many with HSP, where many people have mobility aids and other equipment at home which they no longer use.

Overall the story touches on many important issues for those with HSP:

• Mobility aids can help increase the number of things you can do and the distance you can go,
• It is important to transition from one aid to another as things change,
• People can worry about transitioning from one aid to another, 
• It is important to make sure that it is safe and appropriate to use new aids at home
• People can develop attachment to aids, which can further make transition between aids difficult
• Advice from professionals can help you determine if your aids are appropriate and guide you in activities to help 

I'm pleased to see a range of mobility aids pictured in a book in a positive friendly way.